Final Parody VII
by LazyMode
Summary: Aeris is dead. The suspect leaves the crime scene under the eyes of the 9 witnesses. One calls the police. However, the autopsy shows that she might have not died by impalement, but by drowning. Further investigations will be conducted until the trial in the Court of Justice.


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At 5:52 on October 18th officers responded to 66b Misfortune Street, Ancient Ruins, Northern Continent to a 911 call by Tifa Lockheart who witnessed the murder of Aeris Gainsborough, which occurred at this address. When officers arrived at the scene, they found no dead body and evidence of a crime. The officers secured the scene and notified Homicide detectives and the Crime Scene Unit.

A canvas of the neighborhood by officers located 8 witnesses, who had all seen a suspicious looking man leaving the area just after the murder had been committed. Working with the 8 witnesses individually a Crime Sketch Technician completed 8 separate composite sketches. That was the day he became a homosexual.

The first witness, Cloud Strife, identified the suspect as Sephiroth, his arch nemesis, giving further information about his personality, in order to complete a psychological profile. He was, however, taken into custody, accused of modifying the crime scene, hiding the body, and erasing evidence.

The second witness, Barret Wallace, was already a wanted criminal. His testimony invalid due to excessive use of swear words. He was arrested on spot for mass murder and terrorism.

The third witness, Tifa Lockheart, briefly described the event. Her intentions of killing the victim herself were obvious due to her jealousy. She was taken in for further interrogation.

The fourth witness, Red XIII, made a most eloquent and detailed testimony. He is strongly related to the victim, both being Hojo's experiments. He was taken in for further interrogation.

The fifth witness, Cait Sith, attempted testifying against Sephiroth. It was destroyed on spot due to excessive annoyance caused to the interlocutors. Reeve, the one controlling it, is nowhere to be found.

The sixth witness, Cid Highwind, made an invalid testimony. He had been smoking, not paying attention to the murder. He was the only one not carrying a weapon. Apparently he left his spear on the plane.

The seventh witness, Vincent Valentine, made a complete, detailed testimony of the murder. He spoke too poetically, so nobody actually paid attention. He did, however, slip notable information about the implication of Shinra Electric Company. It is, apparently, linked to both the suspect, and the victim. Taken in for further interrogation.

The eighth witness, Yuffie Kisaragi, refused to testify. She was imprisoned with charges of thievery and erasing evidence.

The S.W.A.T. forces soon found the suspect Sephiroth trespassing into the Shinra manor basement, and was arrested immediately. He is now to be interrogated.

Signed,

Elena

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"Dismissed", Rufus said.

"Yes, Sir", Elena, replied, hoping her boss would appreciate the report she made. She ran off, knocking down a colleague of her on the corridor.

"Sorry. Let me help you pick those up", she said. She hurried to pick up the papers he dropped.

"Be more careful, Elena."

"Yes, Sir!" she said, apparently forgetting something.

"Don't call me 'sir', just Tseng is fine". Elena blushed.

"You're all red! Like a Summon Materia!", Yuffie shouted from her cell. She didn't seem to realize she was inside a cell, arrested.

"Here we go again…", Elena thought. Yuffie had the bad habit of preaching about Materia every single time it was mentioned.

"Materia! The most wonderful of existence, so round and smooth. And magical! And colorful! And….. MATERIA!" she started making up a song about Materia. Her voice was awful, but Elena didn't say anything

Rufus read the report for the fourth time. It finally dawned on him: his company had been after the witnesses, and the victim even before it went bankrupt. But there was no logic in imprisoning the witness who called 911. Or he had too little experience to know that the last to see the victim alive is the most probable suspect.

Barret Wallace… He had been hearing that name ever since AVALANCHE was formed. He finally had him caught. He had, however, nothing to do with this case of murder. He had no motive to kill Aeris. Terrorism was a major crime, especially if it caused the loss of human lives, and it could not be forgiven by law. On the other hand, he was both black and a cripple, so they had to release him, because of racial discrimination. Yet again, he slipped through his hands. But before doing anything reckless, all witnesses needed to make a statement. And then, to be interrogated in case they had committed other crimes.

"Elena. Go interrogate Vincent Valentine. He seems to know something about the case.", she read on her phone. There was no name attached to the message, so she assumed Rufus had written it. She really needed to tag those telephone numbers!

The interrogation chamber was small and cold. There was a table in the middle, with two chairs close to it, one on each side. There was a bright lamp on the table. "I'm done with. I should have become a hairstylist. Or a beautician. Or…"

Elena took a seat on the chair opposite to Vincent Valentine. He cleared his throat.

"Where were you on October 18th, at 5:52 pm?", she asked, already knowing the answer. She wanted to see how the man before him reacted, if he spoke the truth or if he lied. Or at least she hoped to make an idea of how he should react. She was a rookie in this job, too.  
"I was at the Ancient Ruins.", he said, adding no more details. "Lucrecia", he whispered, just for himself to hear.

"I-I heard that", Elena said, unsure what to do in case he deviated from the subject. "Who is Lucrecia?"

"In one way or another, she is Sephiroth's mother." (Lucrecia, I love you so!, he whispered)

"You said, 'in one way or another', how come? And what is your relation to her?"

"I loved Lucrecia more than anything. We even…I'd rather not talk about this, it's private. She was a scientist, working for the Shinra Electric Power Company".

" You even what? Oh, I get it! You're Sephy's father!", Elena said, excited of her discovery.

"Not even close. Sephiroth is the son of Hojo, head of the Science Department. And in one way or another he is also the son of Jenova."

"He has two mothers and two fathers? Wow. I never thought I'd come by this kind of information."

"I am not his father. There are more chances that Darth Vader is his father. I used a condom, for god's sake!"

"So you admit to have experienced sexual intercourse with mrs. Lucrecia. But this is not linked to our case at all. I would like to ask of you not to deviate from the subject. Do you know what was the motive of the murder?". Elena hoped she sounded official.

"I suppose he is after revenge. Actually, the one you imprisoned is not actually Sephiroth, but just an image of him. His real body is inside an ice block, in the Northern Crater. His consciousness still lives on, though. And he wants world domination. And Aeris was in his way, so he…You know what happened."

"And what was your relation with the victim?"

"Absolutely none. She was following Cloud around, and she happened to be there when they found me sleeping in a coffin."

Elena handed him the notes she made, and he signed them. Then he left, adding: "I worked for the Turks, too. A long time ago". Sleeping in a coffin? What the hell?! Was he a vampire or something? Elena was confused. If Vincent was a vampire and he was Sephiroth's father, then….

She felt a vibration inside her pocket.

"Elena. Come to the office quickly."

"Sure! Are you Rufus? I haven't tagged my phone numbers yet…"

She rushed to the office, meeting Tseng on the way. "Congratulations on your first interrogation", he said. "You are doing well."

Elena blushed again, and of course, Yuffie saw it again.

"When I get out of here, I'll make an Elena Summon Materia! You're all red!"

"Shut up!". She turned to Tseng. "Should we move her to isolation?"

" She's just a kid. Deal with her!"

"But she got me captured!"

Her phone vibrated again, so she said goodbye to her crush and ran towards the main office. She knocked the door. "Come in", Rufus said from inside. She entered, and saw her boss. More specifically his shoes, lying comfortably on the desk, as he was holding a report with his left hand and a coffee cup in his right hand.

"No matter what you say, Vincent is not Sephiroth's father."

"But the age gap fits! And if you open the Black Chocobo program, he can replace Vincent's icon! Besides, he", she made a sign ro let Rufus know they had sex, "with Sephy's mother! With one of them, at least. Doesn't that make Sephy a vampire, too?"

"Calm down, Elena. Everything will be easier when you finally realize that: 1. Vincent is not Sephiroth's father, and 2. Vincent is not a vampire. Now go to the morgue, and see what Hojo has to say about the corpse. If you meet Reno and Rude, send them to me."

"Most interesting. It seems like the specimen is more interesting dead, as it would be useful alive. What do you need?", Hojo asked, obviously annoyed by the interruption.

"Mr. Rufus sent me to ask how the autopsy is going on."

Elena took out a notebook, and started taking notes of what Hojo said.

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The suspect impaled her through a region of the body that doesn't completely destroy vital organs. Liver and large intestine damaged.

No major blood vessels are damaged.

Her spine was severed at a point where the brain still functions to control the heart and lungs, however it paralyses her legs and abdomen (that is why she slumps over, as the witnesses declared).

She falls unconscious though still alive, seen from the fact that her body drowned immediately. Dead bodies float.

Complications may appear as she is an Ancient, no ordinary human, so probability remains open that she drowned to death.

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*source: tammylynnbonnef

"Thanks!", Elena said, rushing back to the main office, hoping to find Reno or Rude on the way. As she ran, she saw a red strand of hair emerging from behind a panel. She approached to find the rest of Reno, playing cards with Rude. It seemed to be his unlucky day, because he looked eager to do something else.

"You two dishonor the Turks sitting there doing nothing!"

"Shinra is bankrupt. There are no more Turks. And we ARE doing something. We are playing cards! Tell her, Rude!"

"….."

"Just come to the office. Rufus wants to see you."

For the third time that day, she knocked the door of doom. Everyone avoided the main office, and they only passed by it if it was necessary.

"Come in", Rufus said with a cold tone.

Elena handed him the notes and retreated in the back of the room. She would use Rude as a meatshield if it came to anything like that.

"Good work. You have the rest of the day off."

Elena left the room, and the building. She was happy that she wouldn't have to encounter her scary boss again that day. But she was also sad because that lowered the probability to see Tseng that day.

Rufus moved his eyes from Elena's report to the two ex-Turks, now Police officers, before him. Reno grinned widely, expecting something bad. ' I want to talk to you' means bad news.

"It seems that we have a new suspect of murder"

"Murder?"

Rufus rolled his eyes in a disdainful way. Reno never paid attention to anything except for his own entertainment.

"Yes, murder. Now go interrogate Cloud Strife. He is suspect no.2. It is clear that Sephiroth committed the murder, but there is evidence that he is involved, too. Just look at this report."

Reno thought Tseng would be very sad to find out the news. There seemed to be something between them, more than his job of supervising her.

"Where were you on October 18th, at 5:52 pm?", Rude asked, playing the 'bad cop'.

"At the crime scene, the Ancient Ruins", Cloud answered, rolling his eyes. They already knew the answers to this, so why bother?

"What were you doing there?"

"Stalking Sephiroth".

"Why?"

"Because he's beautiful, that's why", Cloud said sarcastically.

"Don't play dumb. What was your relation to the victim?"

"Friendship and romantic interest. Tifa was quite jealous when she first met Aeris."

"Was it mutual?", Reno asked.

Rude gave him a dangerous look, implying that what he had just asked was unrelated.

"Then, what was your relation to suspect no.1? Besides being his accomplice?"

"Wait what? You think I am that cunt's accomplice?", Cloud shouted, nearly hitting him with the chair. "Damn Mako…", he thought. He had never thought of secondary effects when he took the operation. Apparently, long term use caused easy annoyance, bad temper and violent impulses, both physically and verbally.

"You might have not heard me. Your relation to suspect no.1"

"Enemies. What exactly am I accused of having done as his accomplice?"

"Hojo examined the body. Reno, show him the report."

Reno showed him the report. He rised an eyebrow in suspicion. He disliked Hojo, and Hojo disliked him. He would do anything to get his son out of jail, no matter how much he hated him. He exposed the facts to the interrogators, who agreed.

"In that case, you'd better find yourself an attorney."

"Wait. What if we say it was a mercy kill? She would have been paralysed for the rest of her life. That would probably reduce the sentence. Actually you need her consent. Damn!"

"She was dead. She was not breathing and had no pulse."

"Yes, but you are still accused of hiding the body. Someone had to dive to get it. And your Yuffie thief friend stole evidence! You and Sephiroth will go to court tomorrow. Your other party members will be called in as witnesses."

In the cell, Cloud and Sephiroth were sitting in opposite corners, facing each other, thinking aloud.

"If I killed you now, I wouldn't do shit in saving the world because you are actually in the Northern Crater…Damn you! We need to break out together and get you killed there!"

"Indeed. But I think I'll lend you my wisdom and find a way to get out of here."

"You're not wise. You just have a lot of fangirls. But you have haters, too!"

"You have more…"

"How about we ditch this stupid conversation and focus on escaping?"


End file.
